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Hosting a dinner party always – at least at first – seems like a good idea.

By hosting your own dinner party, you can cloak the inevitable – out-and-out binge drinking – in the guise of a socially acceptable outlet, namely, a sit-down meal. Martha Stewart's Omnimedia stock is still rising even while she's in jail, so how difficult could this hosting business possibly be? There are only three necessary items: food, drink and people, and you typically coordinate at least two of the three every weekend.

While getting your party together, however, there is one element you need to keep in mind to keep everything from going off the rails at the last moment: the MacGyver factor.

Ever see that episode of MacGyver where he used a bunch of kitchen appliances as a radar jammer, so the bad guy couldn't tell what room of the compound he was in? Or the one where he disarmed a bomb using a hockey ticket? You need someone like that at the party. We'll get to the why in a moment.

The basics, a.k.a. the humdrum crap your roommates should take care of

Make your guest list. This should be a straightforward enough activity. Just make sure to invite an interesting cross-section of people: ones who won't fight over the last piece of salmon but will still speak to each other before the liquor kicks in. If you know anyone in the Senate, that's a big yes. Other desirables:
   -anyone involved in theatre for that touch of overdrama
   - a shy, but friendly, girl who comes out of her shell at the mention of tequila shots
   - people from diametrically opposed political parties, i.e., your one Republican friend
Figure out a theme and what to serve. If you're going for a holiday dinner, sure, ham and eggnog are great. If you're more for a McDonald's-type theme, make sure you're not inviting all vegetarians before you order 500 chicken nuggets.
Always insist your guests bring something, unless you have a lot of money you don't mind seeing wasted.

Let's say that one month before the decided-upon date, you have created the guest list, planned the menu and contacted a caterer. (I know none of this will have happened by this point, so bear with me.) I recently spoke to a caterer in the interest of hosting my own dinner party and, once we had dispensed with the formalities, she asked what sort of a theme I was looking for. Most caterers pride themselves on being able to accommodate any size or type of party, but when I told her I was creating a Thanksgiving dinner of which MacGyver would be proud, I think she was a little confused and didn't know exactly what to tell me. Learn your lesson here: Caterers are going to be no help whatsoever for a soirée of this type.

MacGyverism #1
It's two days before the big show, and you don't really know a) who's coming, b) what said people are bringing or c) how you're going to get the food prepped. This is why you need a resident MacGyver.

In a situation like this, you need as much information as humanly possible about your kitchen. While you're off tending to mundane tasks like the guest list or whether or not to invite that one guy you knew at your old job that can never seem to function in any normal, social way but always comes with a bottle of red wine, Mac is taking stock of your cooking utensils and measuring the dimensions of your sauce pans. He's breaking out the electric wok from the closet and rigging it to hit 600 degrees, a point where water vaporizes instantly and steams vegetables in 20 seconds. He's dragging out tanks of propane from your landlord's garage and, via a system of pipes created from bike frames, nuking green bean casseroles in two minutes flat.

Voila! The food is cooked. Thanks, MacGyver.

When people arrive, they should be saying things like, “This is the nicest I've ever seen your apartment look,” and “where's the bar?” both of which you should take as compliments. Keep that first comment in mind – it's important. These early arrivals can be counted on as your true friends, and as such, they have some stake in how the party turns out.

This is where you should be changing into your party uniform, something tasteful that says, “I look better than everyone else here. Of course I'm in charge.” Don't be a good host for those who have already arrived – if anything, this is only going to set their expectations unrealistically high for the rest of the evening. Leave the hosting to MacGyver while you quickly shower and change.