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So I decided I had to go to the “Monster Jam” monster truck rally at the Allstate Arena. For years it had looked amazing in those commercials, i had to see for myself. But I mostly wanted to witness Megasaurus! They started off with this 10 minute back story about this creature off the coast of wherever with 50,000 gallons of something pumping thru its veins. After it creeped out of its dungeon, it took about as long as a cripple trying to cross the street, the top of it started opening up and the arms started to come out. It took fucking four minutes for the thing to even stand up straight! At this point I was still pretty stoked because it was lurching for the car in front of it and I was seriously expecting nothing less than awesome! I'm watching this thing “eat” a car and it's like watching a fat man run the 100-meter dash. You know he can finish, but it's just going to take some time and you're going to be extremely uncomfortable watching it. I soon realized this wasn't going to give me any amazing! It didn't even have the promise of mediocre! Watching 15-year-old technology still trying to amaze an audience is painful! I was more impressed with my uncle stealing my nose! On the up side, it did blow fire and rip off the top of the car. That had some awesome . I can't say everything was hyper-terrible because this metal version of a circus monkey was jammed between “action packed monster tuck mayhem.” Now, I'm left with only a few questions to myself: Did Suck-a-saurus deliver awesome? No!
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