OK, so it sucks. But come on, I want a tagline like that under all pictures of me! “He's a cop who's reached the Boiling Point!” Amazing! In fact, yes, next Christmas all family members will receive a taglined picture of me for their mantle . Don't be fooled like I was ten years ago, thinking this was the sequel to Passenger 57 , because it's not. Other then the remotely funny red haired Dennis Hopper performance and the chance to see Viggo Mortensen – Aragorn, from Lord of the Rings – as a slow-minded thug , only watch this on those hungover Sunday mornings.

Really, this film is a blessing and a curse . The end is so amazing, with the lights and that plane and the Moby soundtrack. Alas, I feel a certain discomfort when frat boys who have never heard any other Moby song suddenly proclaim, “Holy shit, that's some deep shit right there,” while scratching their balls until the joint gets passed back to them. In the end, this film, shot entirely on location, is still fun as hell to watch.

Three hot women! Well, at least Marilyn Monroe, followed by Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis in drag. Shot in 1959, this film was way ahead of its time, and it's still pretty funny. Monroe sucks, as she always did, and Lemmon steals the show. Full of Chicago gangster references and misinformation about the St. Valentine's Day Massacre , this film is at the number-one position of the American Film Institute's greatest comedies list. You can't miss it.

All you out there thanking Hollywood for the Sharon Stone leg-cross scene in Basic Instinct can send your gratitude to this film. It set the rules for the modern sexual thriller while following the rules on the film noir genre . If that doesn't get you to see it, them how about this: Lots of sex scenes! Erotica! 8008135! Rasing the bar a bit, the film is also an homage to films like Double Indemnity and The Postman Always Rings Twice .

“ Become an employee of this firm. You will make your first million within three years. Okay, I'm gonna repeat that: you will make a million dollars within three years of your first day of employment at J.T. Marlin. There's no question as to whether you become a millionaire working here. The only question is, how many times over. You think I'm joking. I am not joking. I am a millionaire. It's a weird thing to hear, right? Lemme tell ya, its a weird thing to say: I am a fucking millionaire. And guess how old I am ... 27, you know what that makes me here? A fucking senior citizen. This firm is entirely comprised of people your age, not mine. Lucky for me, I happen to be very fucking good at my job or I'd be out of one. You guys are the new blood. You are the future swinging dicks of this firm. Now you all look money hungry and that's good. Anybody who tells you that money is the root of all evil doesn't fucking have any. They say money can't buy happiness. Look at the fucking smile on my face! Ear to ear, baby! You want details, fine. I drive a Ferrari 355 Cabriolet. What's up? ( slides keys across long table ) I have a ridiculous house at the South Fork. I have every toy you could possibly imagine. And best of all, I am liquid.” - Ben Affleck

Yeah, we say the same thing to all our interns.

It sucks, it sucks, it sucks. I just want you to rent it and unleash the same torture that I endured. Last year, while looking through the stacks at Blockbuster, I spotted these three lovely ladies .(NSFW) Yes, I admit it, I thought they were cute. I read the back and thought it wouldn't be that bad. After watching it at a friend's place, I was systematically yelled at by everyone in the room for wasting two hours of their time and listening to my dick when I pick movies. Well, I agree. Now go rent it .

I don't care how much money the guy's worth. Master P should never be allowed to write and direct a movie ever again ... ever. Check the following sample of character names from the film: Tully, Kool (Silkk the Shocker), Master Keaton and my favorite, C-Dawg.

Now with all that said, holy shit, you have to see this film just for the wonderful performance of Gary Busey as he watches a hooker undress for no reason. Amazing.

This is one of those films that show the retarded nature of our culture and movies. The film isn't good, plain and simple. But popular culture grabbed on to it, no doubt due to the success of The Breakfast Club , and not far behind was academia. Why did I just have to read a feminist critique of this film? These people, much more then the makers of this terrible film, need to be shot. Dragged to the middle of the street and shot . So to those who haven't seen it: Go see it! Without seeing this film, you will not be accepted by the masses or by those silly enough to apply any sort of theory to it, except capitalism.

It still makes me laugh, watching all the scenes in this film with firefighters chain smoking, cleaning up a building after a fire. A film that gave gratitude to deserving fire fighters before Sept. 11 told you it was necessary. And any film that takes place in Chicago and is shot to at least resemble the city of Chicago is OK in my book.

Is pyrokenetic a word ? Hell no, but the movie made me think it was. When I was younger and my grandmother would talk to me about religion, I never had a clear impression of what “fire and brimstone” was. In my world, Drew Barrymore was brimstone. Not a bad adaptation for a Stephen King story, but for those of you out there who think it's better then Maximum Overdrive , you're crazy. I love nothing more then films with giant green-faced trucks chasing around actors I want to kill as well.