Open letter to Alan Keyes

Dear Mr. Keyes:

How's it going? Can I call you Al? Or A-Rock?

Great! Well, A-Rock, I wanted to drop a line and thank you for filling the gap in the Illinois Senate race. It's sure been great to see such leadership step up from the get-go of the election. It sure was unfortunate what happened to that other GOP candidate . Divorces can be such a chore to deal with! Good thing you're firm on family values, like when you said children of lesbians would most likely end up committing incest. Nice comeback! Kids nowadays!

And speaking of that other guy, I came across your Web site while looking for porn on the Internet. Maybe it was that Jack Ryan/sex club connection to the Illinois Republican Party that got me from supermodelsinseethroughtops.com to Keyes2004.com, but I don't know. I just wanted you to know that I've always fully supported you, even more so now that you've been elected as a Senator from the great state of Illinois .

You didn't win? Oh, sorry.

In any case, I'm sure you'll do great with whatever it is you do back in Maryland , where you live, ‘cause I've heard you don't live in Illinois . But didn't I hear you say something like “I deeply resent the destruction of federalism represented by Hillary Clinton's willingness to go into a state she doesn't even live in and pretend to represent people there,” when she won a New York election from outside that state? I was pretty naïve back then, so I must have misheard. My bad.

But hey! Will you sign my press photo? You can find it at the top of the page, right next to yours. If you'll look closely, you'll see I even used the same pose!

One last thing, A-Rock. Make sure to read this issue of sixosix. Let me know what you think. Keep on truckin'!